News
Grief
The sad news of the untimely death of former Lib-Dem Leader, Charles Kennedy, coupled with recent client referrals, has brought bereavement and grief to the forefront of my mind this week.
Grief is unique to each of us, affecting people differently, with no two people ever experiencing or living through the process in the same way. Most emerge from mourning in a healthy manner, but for some the death of a loved one can cause such intense, emotional pain, that it seems impossible, to them at the time, that they will ever recover. This type of grief can sometimes surface as the underlying cause of physical and mental health problems requiring further professional treatment.
It is so important, therefore, that we allow ourselves the time to grieve, however long or short a time this may be. It is not that everyone who loses a loved one must immediately seek out a bereavement counsellor – it is not about that – it is more about recognising how the loss represents our experiencing a transition: that a change, however minimal or significant, of some sort is taking place in our lives and that we owe ourselves the time to adjust.
Human beings create affectional bonds with others and whenever these bonds are either threatened or lost, there is bound to be a strong emotional reaction to it. There are many examples of grieving in the animal world where dolphins, elephants and even geese have displayed all manner of behaviours, from not eating to not sleeping, to wailing, withdrawing, high anxiety, all as a result of losing their mate.
Loss experienced in terms of one’s youth into ageing, employment into redundancy, health into injury, pregnancy into miscarriage or abortion, whilst different, bring with them similar issues in terms of grief and will be covered separately on another occasion.
In the meantime, if you are mourning the loss of a loved one, my heartfelt wishes go out to you, with a message that this awful phase will pass and that you will get through it…..and anything you’re experiencing right now is ok, however horrible or overwhelming it feels. The death of my father in 1996, and my youngest uncle in 1988, both led to my experiencing grief in two very different ways, not just because of the eight year gap, but also because of many other factors that were relevant in my life at those times. Stuff, or life, can get in the way of our dealing with death, but only if we let it.
Sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, fatigue, helplessness, shock, pining, relief, numbness, sleep disruption, appetite loss, social withdrawal, crazy dreams, crying inconsolably, not crying at all, avoiding reminders, seeking constant reminders, freedom, searching, calling out, tightness in the throat/chest, sickness in the stomach, denial, disbelief, confusion, obsessive thoughts, sensing their presence to even having hallucinations, can all be experienced as part of the grieving process. It’s only when these become chronic or exaggerated over time that we may need further support.
So, please, take solace from The Beatles and remember, all we ever really need is love, to get through anything in life, and allow yourself some meaningful space for YOUR needs during this difficult time while you’re busy taking care of others. God bless.