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Domestic Bliss
Is the pursuit of sexual gratification vital to the health of an established relationship? A question that seems to have been cropping up quite a bit this summer with some clients in couples therapy.
In her book, ‘Mating in Captivity’, New York based psychotherapist, Esther Perel, emphasises the importance of eroticism and orgasm in marriage. She chronicles the typical dissolution of a couple’s sex life when the love bond becomes too politically correct or excessively domesticated.
To avoid the risk of sexual staleness, Perel advocates strategies such as cultivating separateness in a relationship (a woman after my own heart, me thinks!), developing different interests and groups of friends from those of your partner, instead of always seeking too much closeness, as a way of making your partner more mysterious and exciting. She also suggests looking for creative ways to let fantasy or even a little craziness thrive within the confines of a long-term relationship.
Other psychologists, however, advise against placing too much emphasis on orgasm in a mature relationship. In her book, ‘Peace between the Sheets’, couples therapist, Marnia Robinson, suggests that the journey to orgasm renders us prisoners to dopamine, the neurotransmitter secreted in the brain’s reward centres, that underlies other addictive behaviours such as gambling and drug abuse. In Robinson’s view, partners, ideally, need to mutually unite in pleasure, without their sexual relationship necessarily having to be crowned by orgasm.
Whichever approach you wish to take, remember, it takes two to tango in any relationship and it’s always the combination of mind, body, heart and soul that leads to true fulfilment, be it alone or together!